2.12.2013

Thoughts on Life | Marriage

We all come from different relationship histories & backgrounds.  We all have our own relationship story. We're all different and what may work for one couple may not work for another.

But one thing is for certain- getting married was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.


I can probably talk forever about my marriage. Starting with our wedding. What's worked. What hasn't. What I learned. What I'm still learning. But today, I wanted to share with you the bullet point version of my thoughts on love, weddings, and marriage. In hopes that it may either help, encourage, or enlighten you in whatever type of relationship situation you're in today.
  • Love isn't enough to make a relationship work. In a perfect world, it is, but a relationship also needs trust, compassion, self-awareness, patience.
  • If you find yourself planning a wedding on your own (without your partner's help) that's an obvious red flag of something wrong. A wedding shouldn't be ONLY about one person.
  • A wedding is only one day.
  • A wedding is only one day.
  • A wedding is only one day.
  • Partners don't change after you get married.
  • A marriage is the best thing you can probably give to your partner, because you are making a mutual agreement on what is important to both of you. You are creating a foundation for a family.
  • Do you know of any unmarried couples say they want to have a child? As I just stated above, a marriage is a foundation for a family.
Okay, so the next 3 I couldn't bullet.

You have to try even harder 10 years later to impress your partner, even more than the first days of dating. This person already knows every bad thing about you unlike when you started dating, where they didn't have a clue. They know what ticks you off, what comeback you'll say when you get into an argument, and (gasp) how you look without makeup on. Assuming they love you more today than before, without any work or effort on your end is you being naive.  Because of the this, date nights are that much more important to schedule. Unless you believe in some higher being, you can't assume that your marriage is fine without some effort on both of your ends. You may go weeks without an argument, but weeks without time for just you two is just as detrimental to a relationship.

When you do see there is a problem, ask for help. Seeking help, through counseling, therapy, or even advice from a friend, isn't a sign your marriage is suffering or is a sign of weakness. It just means you respect your partner that much that you're getting help to make what's important to you better.

When you consciously try in your relationship, it shows. Marriage is one of those things where many people feel should just naturally work out without effort. This assumption is what I feel leads to constant problems. We can work so hard in our jobs or even workout and diet religiously to stay healthy but don't put as much effort in marriage. We don't, simply because we feel it doesn't fit in that category of work.

I'm not a marriage expert, just someone happily married.

On the next "Thoughts On Life" Series, I tie in my thoughts on marriage with raising Michael.


~Kristina

1 comment:

  1. It's so easy to forget that a marriage is a relationship that requires nurturing, constant committed nurturing. Thanks for this reminder.

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